Having coffee and silence first thing in the morning is absolute bliss. I enjoy them both immensely; they are extremely complimentary. While sipping on my first cup of Joe this morning, I pulled up my essay for submission into a program at school. It has taken me nearly two weeks to complete this essay. It was under 350 words, the requirement was not more than 500. Sounded easy enough right??
Well, in theory, it should have been. Herein lies the problem, my heart isn’t fully committed. As children we do things because our elders tell us to follow orders. No questions asked, actually lots of “why’s” asked, but the task is done anyway. As adults, we can be more particular about what we choose to participate in or complete, etc.
EXCEPT! in my case, the choice seems like the obvious next step even though my passion is situated elsewhere. Would I be happy in the path I chose? Eventually, I keep telling myself. I look at it as a means to an end. My favorite quid pro quo: I need a change and picking up a degree in the chosen field will provide that. The middle ground is the uncertainty in this equation.
My husband said a few weeks ago, when I started this journey – if it is taking you that long to write this essay then I think you’re making a big mistake. (paraphrased). I would never tell him he is right – until today, because it seems appropriate for this post – but he is in a way. He is a very practical, logical thinker where I am more whimsical. I know that my passion lies in words written from my mind, stories fabricated and poetry spouted, daily life created in a blog and humor unbounding. Those things are fabulous, but right now, it does not pay the bills.
Working and Education will pay the bills for the next 20 years UNTIL I catch that BIG break. (and by big, I’d be happy if my writing career paid what my current career paid) So, we’re both right But the point of today, as I ready to awaken the sleeping Princess and go support our team’s fundraiser, is sacrifice is sometimes necessary while you find the path to passion. One day I will awaken and love what I am doing. I will be blessed and never have to clock into a brick-and-mortar without choosing to do so. For now, this isn’t a bad place to be, it is just a challenge.
A challenge that requires a lot of tongue-biting and blood-swallowing!!!