As each day approaches – the end of one chapter and the beginning of another – my heart swells with both joy and sorrow. This homage to my first-born has been painstakingly bittersweet. I have recounted numerous ups and downs and look upon his Chapter 2 with fresh eyes – the eyes of an adult who 22 years ago left the comforting embrace of my own mother and traveled from the nest. Never to return to my childhood.
All that glitters isn’t gold but we have our own paths to forge and my own child is no different – I am preparing myself for that same final embrace – the one that let’s childhood become a memory and turns a child into a man. He will always be my baby – and in 4 days – we will shelve that first series and start anew.
So here is my tweet for today in the form of free-flowing poetry :
Swelling, the ache in heart
Spinning, the thoughts of my mind
Sorrow, tears in my eyes
He graduates, my baby forever will he be
So many people prefer to see shining, happy posts about how fabulous their lives are, how wonderful their children are and paint the most perfect pictures of their marriage. And we wonder why misery continues to erupt in many, “why isn’t my life like that?”
I have been raw, real and honest about the chaotic, messy and downright unruly tangles in my dread-lock life. Some days it is a painted Picasso and other days, my life looks like I let my youngest nieces unleash their crazy with spray paint cans on white walls – its a “WTF this house is a rental moment!”
That being said, today is 2 weeks before our second child – my first born, becomes a Graduate from high school. I felt like a lot of this year was similar to “Get him to the Greek” – just make sure he arrives on time to cross the stage! No joke – raising him has been the single most difficult thing I’ve done in my life to date – and I’ve done some “whoa” sh*t” – I couldn’t be prouder that at least I will have succeeded in one parental milestone that I feel is of upmost importance – a diploma.
In honor of his upcoming graduation and my impending cry like a damn baby needing either a nipple to nurse or a pacifier – I am going to change my profile every day (as long as I remember with my old brain) to reflect my son, Patrick.
He drives me crazy – and I love him with every fabric of my being even when he makes me cry and loathe his behavior at the moment. I suppose that makes us normal?
Do you see what ails,
The division of glorious heaven,
The welcome of beckoning hell?
The hands that grab me daily,
Driving, dividing and tempting,
My will to ignore the craze, failing.
I walk the path, unseeing
Never flinching, never feeling,
Praying that nightfall catch me sleeping.
For in sleep, I am the warrior –
Bravely confronting my demon,
Dressed with impenetrable armor,
I am the destroyer.
Confident in each step,
Carnage at my feet,
Carcasses of memories
I no longer wish to keep.
I drive on through the heat,
The ticking chimes louder,
my reminder that morning
I cannot cheat.
A sweet reminder from my niece that she tagged me in yesterday. And here we are again – the birthday of the Sprite upon us, the memory of this post rejuvenated and those boys are 19 and 17 now and dwarf their father!
Lipstick and Chaos : The Fabric of My Life
According to the dictionary Pride is : NOUN
1.a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.2.the state or feeling of being proud.3.a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one’s position or character; self-respect; self-esteem.4.pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself: civic pride.5.something that causes a person or persons to be proud: His art collection was the pride of the family.
In life, there are so many moments and examples. From a personal perspective, I found myself crying this morning on two separate occasions. And the reason? Pride.
First, my husband took our teenage boys to a Rock Concert in Atlantic City this weekend. It is “Orion” put on by Metallica and hosts a…
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